Learn the story behind the painting!

Being Remade

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  • The story behind "Being Remade"


    I often feel frustrated with things I'm still struggling with, or impatient with people who refuse to change according what I  think is best for them or to change when I want them to. Life is simply more messy than I'd like, and I get impatient when the end of the struggle- the finished product is not even in sight. 

    We are not done.

    We are works-in-progress.

    My mentor has been helping me acknowledge and accept the beauty of life-in-process. In this series of self-portrait-making, I feel I'm trying to figure out who I am after a season of brokenness. I can literally feel the incompleteness of my personhood. I can feel the strain of things not achieved yet but that are supposed to be.  If I'm a sculpture being chiseled out of rock, I feel the burden of things still yet to be chipped off. 

    I am a painting still being painted. 

    How do I "finish" a painting about being unfinished? I'm still unsure. But I know that the process of making this painting was more important than the product. I paint in small chunks of time, so I started leaving the extra paint on my palette out to dry. I peeled these paint blotches off the palette and glued them on, amassing a beautiful impasto texture. I clarified the lines of the face and hair with oil pastel, leaving childlike crayon lines where needed. The top left corner by my hair reads, "being remade." That's what I feel that is happening to me in this stage of my life: after my brokenness, I'm being remade into a beautiful masterpiece. This is a process that I participate in for sure, but that is also happening to me. And it's progressive- it's still happening and will for a long time. So I'll continually set aside my desire for completion and perfection. That's a work-in-progress too. 

    But there's beauty in the process.

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